ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize