I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
