$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
