I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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