I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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