I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
