Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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