Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
