mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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