they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
