how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will pee on everything he values.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
