Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
