Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
