First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
