if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
