So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
