Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
