i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
