i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
