It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
