Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
