playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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