Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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