We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
