no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
