There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The air was thick with penises
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
