Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
