smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
