bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
