As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
