The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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