the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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