The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
