Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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