I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
