I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
