dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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