you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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