she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
