Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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