Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
