I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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