I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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