You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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