he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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