Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
