Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
