I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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