I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
