his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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