bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
