Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
