maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
