I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
