btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
