Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
