Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
