I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
