I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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