The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
