Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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