I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
