so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
