Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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