if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
