I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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